During the first week, we had interviews, set up in a way similar to when CDs ask actors at an audition some random questions like: what are you doing for the upcoming holidays? or what is your favorite vacation? or tell me a little about yourself… and other questions. My interview didn’t get reviewed until the second class along with a larger 10 minute assignment where the actor tells his story of who he is. Also, the assignment tells us to get intimate and vulnerable. Both of those for me were last week. I’ve been an open book most of my life. I sometimes overshared but my good friends stepped in before I put too many feet in my mouth. But a few years ago, I was falsely accused of horrible things by someone very close to me. Lies were made up and in the end, my reputation was deeply hurt. As we’ve seen in today’s world, you don’t have to be right, you just have to be loud. And that is what happened to me. And ever since then, I have been selective with revealing the deep parts of who I am.
Then Sally says, “Be intimate!” …thanks a lot! The assignment was uncomfortable which was a strange feeling for me because usually I excel in such situations. But I’ve found that in my hurt from the past false accusations, I’ve become more private and guarded. I wonder now if this has had an impact on my auditions for the negative. I try to be as real as I can in auditions but if I can’t be real in real life I wonder if I am holding back on tape as well. It’s something I’ll ponder and hope that I can conquer is it is indeed so.
My life as an actor has had some nice highs and some lame lows, but I believe God gave me a passion for this industry and I truly want to be as good at it as I can be, thus joining this group. I recall sometimes as I edit my self tapes that I have to dig a little harder to find the character. Maybe this learned response of being guarded has taken some of that from me in my acting to the point that when I dig harder, the product seems superficial. It’s a sad revelation, but hopefully one that will lead to a better me and a better actor.
As someone who has a degree in Enlgish literature, I love writing and have always found it easy. Today, this small blog has taken several hours to write. I hope the next blog will see a week off of revelations. It’s draining.